i permit you to call me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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