i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
