i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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