Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
