The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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