Sober January is a disaster.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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