remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
