I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
