So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
