if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
