Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
