the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
