i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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