all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
