did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
