I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
