Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We had to coat check the pizza.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
