My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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