First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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