and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
