Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
