Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
