I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
