apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
