Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
