I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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