Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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