it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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