i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
