i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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