Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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