he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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