Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
