Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
