HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
