he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
