i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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