Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
