I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
