Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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