you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
