fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he fucked my hip out of place.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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