It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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