yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
