chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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