You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
