dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
