My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
