yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
