I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
