im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you didnt know i had herpes?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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