There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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