At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i came on her dog
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
