You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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