Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize