i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
