Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
