nut hugger
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
