I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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