i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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