Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize