He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
