quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
