She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
it was like eating out sand paper
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
