But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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