ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
