I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
