we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
