Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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