Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
