either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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