I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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